Why Won’t My Child Listen? 3 Reasons—and What to Do Instead

Every parent has been there: you ask your child to do something simple—put on their shoes, finish homework, come to the table—and instead of action, you get blank stares, slow-motion compliance, or flat-out resistance. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and can leave you wondering, “Why don’t my kids ever listen to me?”

The truth is, most kids aren’t trying to be difficult. In my work as a parent coach (and in my own home raising three boys), I’ve seen the same patterns play out again and again. Kids keep up negative behavior for three main reasons—and once you understand them, you can turn things around in powerful ways.

1. Negative Behavior Brings a Bigger Payoff

Here’s the hard truth: misbehavior often brings more energy, attention, and connection from parents than good behavior does. When kids fight, tantrum, or ignore requests, they suddenly get mom or dad’s full presence—tone of voice, eye contact, body energy, and all.

Take my husband and our three sons as an example. Every Sunday, it was the same routine: he’d call down to the basement for them to help clean up after the dog in the yard. They’d say “Okay, Dad,” but not budge. Ten minutes later, he’d stomp back inside, frustrated, and yell again—louder this time. The boys would eventually drag themselves out, but only halfheartedly. One by one, they’d sneak back inside, leaving him to finish the job. He’d throw up his hands and mutter, “I guess I’ll just do it myself,” hoping guilt would kick in. Spoiler alert: it never did.

What did the boys learn? That ignoring the first call worked. That Dad’s energy was most intense when they resisted. And that if they waited long enough, they could dodge the chore altogether.

👉 Kids will always seek connection. If they can get it more easily through misbehavior, that’s where they’ll go.

2. Parents Miss Opportunities to Recognize What’s Going Right

Here’s the kicker: the majority of the time, kids are doing things right. They’re playing quietly, following instructions, or just being respectful humans. But parents—busy, tired, stretched thin—often let these moments pass with at best a quick “good job.”

Although it's not intuitive, we need to pour energy into what’s going right—and be specific. Instead of a vague, flat “thanks,” or boring "good job", try: “I noticed you got your shoes on the first time I asked—you are so cooperative; I LOVE that about you!”

When kids consistently get rich, specific feedback for their positive choices, they start to connect listening and cooperation with parental energy. They realize: this is the way to get noticed.

3. Wishy-Washy Boundaries Confuse Kids

The other trap parents fall into is fuzzy boundaries. We give second, third, and fourth chances, hoping kids will eventually “do the right thing.” But inconsistency just teaches them to test the limits.

If my husband had set a clear boundary with defined expectations—and then calmly followed through the first time, the boys would have learned quickly. Instead, the boundary shifted week after week, and they became experts at stalling.

👉 Clear rules, consistent follow-through, and no empty threats = less power struggle.

So, How Do You Get Kids to Listen?

When parents learn to:

• Stop giving big energy to misbehavior

• Notice and energize the positives, specifically and often

• Hold firm, clear boundaries without drama

…the entire dynamic shifts. Kids discover that cooperation, respect, and following through are the fastest ways to get mom or dad’s attention and connection.

It’s not about yelling louder. It’s not about bribing or punishing. It’s about flipping the script: putting your energy where it matters most.

Ready to Change the Script at Home?

If you’re tired of repeating yourself, nagging, or constantly feeling disrespected, there is a better way—and I can help you get there.

As a certified parent coach and Advanced Trainer in the Nurtured Heart Approach®, I help parents like you create calmer homes, stronger connections, and kids who actually listen.

👉 Click here to schedule your free consultation today. Together, we’ll design strategies that fit your family and finally bring peace back into your home.

Read more about how to set boundaries HERE